escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
