I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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