im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
