At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
