His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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