Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
