I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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