The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it's like iHOP with fire
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
