she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm too high and old for this...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
