Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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