Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
