Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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