man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
