just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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