i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
