Moan for me like Helen Keller
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
