That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
