are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
