I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
