I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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