He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
