because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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