I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
