4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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