Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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