you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
