He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
