dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
