Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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