the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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