Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
