they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
