I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
