'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
