I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
