so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
