Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
