Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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