Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
