I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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