Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
