im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
