watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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