Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Congratulations! We have a period
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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