it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
