I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
