glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
