I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
