He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
