I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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