Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
