You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
